Weigh-in

I weighed in Friday morning (my usual weigh-in day) and lost .2 pounds. Point Two.

This is despite the fact that I created a calorie deficit of 1750 on Thursday, 1000 in my eating and 750 in exercise. (Ate 1000 less than needed to maintain my weight, burned off 750 calories by 2 miles on elliptical, 3+ miles on the treadmill, and 18 minutes of high-impact Jillian Michaels Cardio DVD).

Mathematically, scientifically, whatever you want to call it, I created enough of a deficiency to have lost 1/2 a pound Thursday. 1/2 a pound just on Thursday, let alone that i worked out Wednesday and stuck to my diet all week.

And, unless I decide to elope, which would devastate me, there is no way in heck I can afford to get married in September. My stripped down list of cost and 35 guest list amounts to $4500 and we have $800 and can only realistically save $100 a week, which would bring us to March.

It's already hard enough living together and not having sex, I don't really feel like waiting another 6 months, though that would make it exactly 5 years since I last had sex.

I am so heartbroken right now, on top of feeling so ridiculously ugly. I want to scream and rage. I want to claw the fat off my body. I can't articulate well how I feel right now. I hope I am not the only normal weighted person who feels this way. I hate being alone....with my self-hatred and frustrations and self-consciousness.