Did you know crabs grow in a field? Yup, little crab eggs are planted in the ground and up sprout crabs. Not true? How can that not be true when there are FREAKING CARBS IN CRAB!?!?!
Sorry, had to vent that when the other day upon deciding to make my new favorite food in the world -- crab salad -- that there are carbohydrates in the crab. In complete disbelief, since there are no carbohydrates in any other meat like chicken or beef, I look at the ingredients. #1 Seafood. #2 Sugar.
SUGAR!?!?! They add freaking sugar to the crab. Um, hello, if my crab is not sweet enough, I will sprinkle some splenda into my crab salad, thank you.
Usually I check EVERYTHING before I buy it, much to DH's frustration, but I never even considered the fact that I had to check meat for carbs. I'd checked it for calories, fat, and protein -- in which it scores wonderfully, but didn't even glance at the carbs. Why should I? It's meat.
Grrrr.
Needless to say, after giving into temptation Sunday, and then eating crab salad on Monday (unaware of the carbs, I haven't eaten it since I found out and next time at the store will try to find a No Sugar Added version), I didn't pee in the pink family until yesterday. On top of that, I ate a low sugar scoop of ice cream so woke up in the beige, was pink in the early afternoon. I am probably burgundy right now and just finished one of my Jillian tapes so hopefully I just kicked some fat-burning booty. :)
I need to stop eating No Sugar Ice Cream at night. I need to be burning fat stores while I sleep. *sigh* I've read up on ketosis online and there is no way that <20 grams of carbs a day should knock me out of ketosis. It's very frustrating. Under 40's not even supposed to. But all I have to do is eat a weeny bit of 4 sugar ice cream and BAM!
Anyway, I think I will post some recipes because I must say for myself I make some good low-fat (and now low-sugar) stuff. I refuse to eat anything that tastes bad -- which is most fat-free stuff. Concerning sugar-free stuff, I know some people can taste it and some can't. I happen to be very lucky in that I normally can't taste it, or it's not so bad to turn me off. Most of the time. There have been some exceptions.
So I am going to start a recipe page (and since I should be packing right now) will just jot a few down, but will come back and add some more. I have made some surprisingly delicious low-far or low-sugar creations that you'll wonder why you'd ever need eat the regular version again.
And if you want a substitute recipe of your favorite dish or dessert, let me know and I'll give you ideas and/or tell you how I would make it.
Going back to my carbo-crab vent, have you ever discovered some food you took for granted was healthy or low something or other only to discover it wasn't?
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Bridesmaid Pics: 161 pounds Current: 153 pounds
Arm: 13 1/4 13
Chest: 34 1/2
Waist: 32 31 1/2
Hip: 41 40 1/2
Thigh: 25 1/4 24 3/4
So compared to the ugly and fat bridesmaid pictures:
Arm : 1/4 inch less
Waist: 1/2 inch less
Hip: 1/2 inch less
Thigh: 1/2 inch less
Woopee-dee-do.
My Goal measurments:
Arm: 11
Waist: 27 (29 MAX)
Hips: 37
Thigh: 22
Arm: 13 1/4 13
Chest: 34 1/2
Waist: 32 31 1/2
Hip: 41 40 1/2
Thigh: 25 1/4 24 3/4
So compared to the ugly and fat bridesmaid pictures:
Arm : 1/4 inch less
Waist: 1/2 inch less
Hip: 1/2 inch less
Thigh: 1/2 inch less
Woopee-dee-do.
My Goal measurments:
Arm: 11
Waist: 27 (29 MAX)
Hips: 37
Thigh: 22
The Fat Truth
Oh, yes, can't you just hear the guys now...they'd love to see that girl naked. She's so freakin' hot. They want to see her peel off her clothes, they want to admire her from head to foot, longing to touch every inch of her.
Uh-huh.
Yes, friends, more lovely sis' wedding pictures. Posted AND FREAKIN' TAGGED on facebook.
By the way, the nice red lines marking the areas that need to be deleted are for that random, stupid, blind sob who says, "what's wrong with the way you look?"
Compared to Megan Fox or Natalie Portman or any other semi-anorexic, photoshopped, plastic-boobed (MF) celebrity, I may as well be a contestant on the biggest loser.
I've been crying off and on since last night when i first discovered the posted pictures....which was AFTER I ate a stupid freakin' glazed donut on top of an hours earlier lunch of 1/4 a Pizza Hut Personal Pan pizza and about an 1/6 of a jumbo chocolate chip cookie (all bought and eaten in front of me by DF) and after I ran 3 miles at the park in the dark.
45 days to go....
Friday, July 16, 2010
An Explanation for my Psychosis
I will try to explain the root of my body image problem.
Things my father taught me:
Only perfection deserves any merit
Perfection is how you earn approval and acceptance
2nd place (anything less than perfection) is failure (not as applied to sports, just in general)
Things both my parents taught me:
All a man wants is sex
If you don't satisfy a man often enough, he will cheat
Nudity in a movie makes a man lust
Things the men in my life have taught me:
Father had a secret porn stash
Ex-husband had a secret porn stash
Thus, I am not good enough unless I look like a model/actress and he will mentally ravish other women in his mind or imagine I look like them when he's with me because I fall short and thus am worthless. I am not pretty enough or of value enough to be mentally faithful with.
Things the media has taught me:
Men want tiny waists, narrow hips, thin thighs, and big boobs
All men look / lust
Compare yourself to all these "prefect bodied" women and do everything in your power to try and emulate them.
Hate your age.
Hate your weight.
Hate every part of your body.
Do these things to make your man want you.
Don't get far, squishy, etc.
Do this to look better naked.
Do this to be better in bed.
Contradictions we must reconcile and live by:
Order a salad.
Don't be one of those girls who can't eat or just eat a salad -- guys hate that.
Communicate with your man.
Don't talk about your insecurities -- that makes you unattractive.
(So hold it all in and try not to cry and then when you can't bear for him to look at you say you have a headache).
Buy a VS Love My Body push up bra which will transform any woman of any size into a volumptious vixen. (So what the hell happens when you're in bed and the bra comes off????). Love your body IN the bra because now you measure up....then what?
I realize maximizing my bust is not an issue for me, but I still remember the days when I was much smaller and felt so inadequate and wore every padded push up bra I could find. And I remember the terror of someone finding out I wasn't really that big/pretty/high value. But I can presently relate in the sense of a corset. I have excess skin that just sits in a huge bulge from my disfigured belly button to my panty line. Sexy, huh? While everyone and their mother -- both in real life and on TV/Movies where low rise jeans and short tops and show off their bare midriffs I am forced to keep covered and hide my ugliness. And even then, there is a bulge. No matter how tight my jeans, or whether I wear that ugly underwear shaper thing, there is the bulge. All I can do is pray that someday (before I get too old for it to make a difference), I can afford a tummy tuck. Ironically, I don't even need a true tummy tuck, my abs are hard as a rock, I just need the blasted loose skin removed.
So anyway....even when I reach goal weight, even if every other part of me was thin and toned, in any full frontal nudity pose / position, I will still be ugly. And even if not "ugly" definitely not comparable to any model/actress or live girl walking around baring her midriff in front of man every time he walks out the door. I will always be second best (or third, fourth, whatever -- the point is I will NEVER measure up, until goal weight and plastic surgery. And DF has voiced concerns about the scar and how it looks like Frankenstein and like the woman looks cut in half, etc. So even then, though much more confident, if I see his eyes going right to the scar, I will still not feel like I measure up).
I feel like crap now....even more so than before.
I'm going to go workout.
Things my father taught me:
Only perfection deserves any merit
Perfection is how you earn approval and acceptance
2nd place (anything less than perfection) is failure (not as applied to sports, just in general)
Things both my parents taught me:
All a man wants is sex
If you don't satisfy a man often enough, he will cheat
Nudity in a movie makes a man lust
Things the men in my life have taught me:
Father had a secret porn stash
Ex-husband had a secret porn stash
Thus, I am not good enough unless I look like a model/actress and he will mentally ravish other women in his mind or imagine I look like them when he's with me because I fall short and thus am worthless. I am not pretty enough or of value enough to be mentally faithful with.
Things the media has taught me:
Men want tiny waists, narrow hips, thin thighs, and big boobs
All men look / lust
Compare yourself to all these "prefect bodied" women and do everything in your power to try and emulate them.
Hate your age.
Hate your weight.
Hate every part of your body.
Do these things to make your man want you.
Don't get far, squishy, etc.
Do this to look better naked.
Do this to be better in bed.
Contradictions we must reconcile and live by:
Order a salad.
Don't be one of those girls who can't eat or just eat a salad -- guys hate that.
Communicate with your man.
Don't talk about your insecurities -- that makes you unattractive.
(So hold it all in and try not to cry and then when you can't bear for him to look at you say you have a headache).
Buy a VS Love My Body push up bra which will transform any woman of any size into a volumptious vixen. (So what the hell happens when you're in bed and the bra comes off????). Love your body IN the bra because now you measure up....then what?
I realize maximizing my bust is not an issue for me, but I still remember the days when I was much smaller and felt so inadequate and wore every padded push up bra I could find. And I remember the terror of someone finding out I wasn't really that big/pretty/high value. But I can presently relate in the sense of a corset. I have excess skin that just sits in a huge bulge from my disfigured belly button to my panty line. Sexy, huh? While everyone and their mother -- both in real life and on TV/Movies where low rise jeans and short tops and show off their bare midriffs I am forced to keep covered and hide my ugliness. And even then, there is a bulge. No matter how tight my jeans, or whether I wear that ugly underwear shaper thing, there is the bulge. All I can do is pray that someday (before I get too old for it to make a difference), I can afford a tummy tuck. Ironically, I don't even need a true tummy tuck, my abs are hard as a rock, I just need the blasted loose skin removed.
So anyway....even when I reach goal weight, even if every other part of me was thin and toned, in any full frontal nudity pose / position, I will still be ugly. And even if not "ugly" definitely not comparable to any model/actress or live girl walking around baring her midriff in front of man every time he walks out the door. I will always be second best (or third, fourth, whatever -- the point is I will NEVER measure up, until goal weight and plastic surgery. And DF has voiced concerns about the scar and how it looks like Frankenstein and like the woman looks cut in half, etc. So even then, though much more confident, if I see his eyes going right to the scar, I will still not feel like I measure up).
I feel like crap now....even more so than before.
I'm going to go workout.
Weigh-in
Well, I weight in at 153.8.
3 pounds (well, 2.8 pounds) less than 2 weeks ago. So either I lose 1 pound last week and 2 this week, or I lost 0 last week and 3 this week. Either way, I didn't make it to my goal of 152.
:(
I have a -2 per week plan. I would be 138 by wedding day. Ironically, that was my original goal weight. 127 popped into my head when I realized that would ensure my pics were awesome. I don't want to look like a big round blob with big blobby arms.
153 is about my average weight. This is where I've spent most of my adult life. Once (a few months after my son was born) I got down to 138. Still have those jeans too! Size 7, baby. But most of my life I've been around 153-155 which is my low average to 158 - 162 which is my high average.
A few times I've hit 172-175 but that is only during major emotional upheaval periods.
I am thinking I am so focused on what I haven't lost and the fear of being fat and ugly on my wedding is going to destroy my focus and undermine my motivation. Even now I am thinking "And why don't i go have some sugar? Why have I given up all those McDonald Frappe's? Why aren't I having pizza tonight?"
BECAUSE one of the main reasons why I probably haven't hit a 4 pound week yet (or even 3) is because I'm not in fat burning mode all weekend long. If I make it sugar free this weekend, it will be my first.
That's what i should do. I should set an easy goal for myself for Monday morning. Instead of seeing next friday's goal looming so far in the distance.
Hmmmm.
If I am 153.8, and I have 3 days......(did I just lose 3 pounds in 3 days by being in the burgundy tues, wed, and thurs, or is that 3 an accumulation of 2 full weeks?.....)
OK, I think my moderate goal will be 152.8, but I will push myself (meaning actually exercise on a weekend) to try and reach 150.8. Anything in between will be rewarded and applauded. I must remember to actually do that though -- reward myself with something (something apparently not sugar).
So Far This Year:
April : 172 -- 161 (lost 11 pounds)
May: 161 -- 161 (lost nothing)
June: 161 -- 156.6 (lost 4.4 )
July -- 156.6 -- ??? (So far,
July 2 -- 156.6
July 9 -- ???
July 16 -- 153.8
Worst case scenario, I will reach 149.8 by July 30th, which will account for a 6.8 pound monthly loss.
Then I will have 5 weeks to lose 10-12 pounds (137-139).
If I can pull over 3 pound losses each week, I will be 132 for wedding.
If 2 pounds, 139.
If 1 pound, 147 (THAT would suck!)
I wish I knew at what weight I was 17% body fat. If that could only be 139. But last time I was at 139, I was 19%. I know, I know. That's my lowest healthy weight, which is why it was my original goal, but I do not want to look fat in my wedding pictures.
Does anyone else feel like they have to compete with the myriad of ultra-thin, underweight images plastered everywhere and half-dressed in every movie...or is just me???
:(
I want to be thin.
I want to feel pretty.
3 pounds (well, 2.8 pounds) less than 2 weeks ago. So either I lose 1 pound last week and 2 this week, or I lost 0 last week and 3 this week. Either way, I didn't make it to my goal of 152.
:(
I have a -2 per week plan. I would be 138 by wedding day. Ironically, that was my original goal weight. 127 popped into my head when I realized that would ensure my pics were awesome. I don't want to look like a big round blob with big blobby arms.
153 is about my average weight. This is where I've spent most of my adult life. Once (a few months after my son was born) I got down to 138. Still have those jeans too! Size 7, baby. But most of my life I've been around 153-155 which is my low average to 158 - 162 which is my high average.
A few times I've hit 172-175 but that is only during major emotional upheaval periods.
I am thinking I am so focused on what I haven't lost and the fear of being fat and ugly on my wedding is going to destroy my focus and undermine my motivation. Even now I am thinking "And why don't i go have some sugar? Why have I given up all those McDonald Frappe's? Why aren't I having pizza tonight?"
BECAUSE one of the main reasons why I probably haven't hit a 4 pound week yet (or even 3) is because I'm not in fat burning mode all weekend long. If I make it sugar free this weekend, it will be my first.
That's what i should do. I should set an easy goal for myself for Monday morning. Instead of seeing next friday's goal looming so far in the distance.
Hmmmm.
If I am 153.8, and I have 3 days......(did I just lose 3 pounds in 3 days by being in the burgundy tues, wed, and thurs, or is that 3 an accumulation of 2 full weeks?.....)
OK, I think my moderate goal will be 152.8, but I will push myself (meaning actually exercise on a weekend) to try and reach 150.8. Anything in between will be rewarded and applauded. I must remember to actually do that though -- reward myself with something (something apparently not sugar).
So Far This Year:
April : 172 -- 161 (lost 11 pounds)
May: 161 -- 161 (lost nothing)
June: 161 -- 156.6 (lost 4.4 )
July -- 156.6 -- ??? (So far,
July 2 -- 156.6
July 9 -- ???
July 16 -- 153.8
Worst case scenario, I will reach 149.8 by July 30th, which will account for a 6.8 pound monthly loss.
Then I will have 5 weeks to lose 10-12 pounds (137-139).
If I can pull over 3 pound losses each week, I will be 132 for wedding.
If 2 pounds, 139.
If 1 pound, 147 (THAT would suck!)
I wish I knew at what weight I was 17% body fat. If that could only be 139. But last time I was at 139, I was 19%. I know, I know. That's my lowest healthy weight, which is why it was my original goal, but I do not want to look fat in my wedding pictures.
Does anyone else feel like they have to compete with the myriad of ultra-thin, underweight images plastered everywhere and half-dressed in every movie...or is just me???
:(
I want to be thin.
I want to feel pretty.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Hope on the Horizon
Well, I am finally in the burgundy.
Actually, I've been there since at least yesterday. I bought a new container of strips since the last ones were generic and we went through a heat wave and I know my house got up over the "do not exceed 84 degrees storage" recommendation.
I don't think it made too much of a difference. I peed on both a new stick and an old, and my readings were the same. However, the newer, non-generic version seems more sensitive, in that a burgundy reading was very clear and on the old I didn't know if it was mauve or burgundy.
Because of my no sugar added Light Fudge Tracks ice cream for dessert each night, I test trace each morning. (trace with only 2 grams of sugar -- can I get a loud 'annoying!') But my mid-afternoon I am back in the burgundy.
I have a very nice idea for dinner tomorrow night, to replace the pizza, since eating a regular meal with carbs takes 36 hours to get back in the mauve: Sweet Italian Sausage (turkey) with ricotta, mozzarella, provolone, and Parmesan cheese all melted together. I've been getting pretty good at the "bowl" recipes.
Tonight I am going to have a bowl of chicken with bacon (low fat) and Light pepper jack cheese all melted together. My dinners range between 200 -- 300 calories a meal.
Anyway, my new goal weights for the next 8 weeks are:
Week 8 -- 152
Week 7 -- 148
Week 6 -- 144
Week 5 -- 140
Week 4 -- 136
Week 3 -- 133
Week 2 -- 130
Week 1 -- 127 (Wedding Day)
I realize this is pretty determined, but I figure, what the heck, they do it all the time on biggest loser. Granted they work out for 4 -6 hours a day, but I eat less then them, so I am hoping since these numbers are modest goals for BL contestants, they can work for me with my program.
If my program works (I've been doing alot of research into the most effective ways to burn pure fat), ie if I start dropping 2 - 4 pounds a week, I will share my program. Maybe I should even write another book. Ha! Wouldn't that be ironic if I book I wrote in a matter of weeks got published faster than a book I wrote over 5 years.
But anyway, i would include lots of personalization and customization and body image tips and beauty tips and info on supplements as well as maintenance tips (after I make sure that part of my plan works too, lol). Ok, so yea, I am running away with myself, dreaming again. O well, it's in my nature. Hey, they say if you don't set big goals, you will never achieve big goals.
Ok, I'm gonna go lie down for a quick power nap and will hopefully wake up with tons of energy to go workout.
Actually, I've been there since at least yesterday. I bought a new container of strips since the last ones were generic and we went through a heat wave and I know my house got up over the "do not exceed 84 degrees storage" recommendation.
I don't think it made too much of a difference. I peed on both a new stick and an old, and my readings were the same. However, the newer, non-generic version seems more sensitive, in that a burgundy reading was very clear and on the old I didn't know if it was mauve or burgundy.
Because of my no sugar added Light Fudge Tracks ice cream for dessert each night, I test trace each morning. (trace with only 2 grams of sugar -- can I get a loud 'annoying!') But my mid-afternoon I am back in the burgundy.
I have a very nice idea for dinner tomorrow night, to replace the pizza, since eating a regular meal with carbs takes 36 hours to get back in the mauve: Sweet Italian Sausage (turkey) with ricotta, mozzarella, provolone, and Parmesan cheese all melted together. I've been getting pretty good at the "bowl" recipes.
Tonight I am going to have a bowl of chicken with bacon (low fat) and Light pepper jack cheese all melted together. My dinners range between 200 -- 300 calories a meal.
Anyway, my new goal weights for the next 8 weeks are:
Week 8 -- 152
Week 7 -- 148
Week 6 -- 144
Week 5 -- 140
Week 4 -- 136
Week 3 -- 133
Week 2 -- 130
Week 1 -- 127 (Wedding Day)
I realize this is pretty determined, but I figure, what the heck, they do it all the time on biggest loser. Granted they work out for 4 -6 hours a day, but I eat less then them, so I am hoping since these numbers are modest goals for BL contestants, they can work for me with my program.
If my program works (I've been doing alot of research into the most effective ways to burn pure fat), ie if I start dropping 2 - 4 pounds a week, I will share my program. Maybe I should even write another book. Ha! Wouldn't that be ironic if I book I wrote in a matter of weeks got published faster than a book I wrote over 5 years.
But anyway, i would include lots of personalization and customization and body image tips and beauty tips and info on supplements as well as maintenance tips (after I make sure that part of my plan works too, lol). Ok, so yea, I am running away with myself, dreaming again. O well, it's in my nature. Hey, they say if you don't set big goals, you will never achieve big goals.
Ok, I'm gonna go lie down for a quick power nap and will hopefully wake up with tons of energy to go workout.
A Midweek Update
Monday:
I don't really remember, but I do think I forced myself to do the Jillian workout. I think I did have in the morning and the other half that night, but I honestly don't remember. I know i really, really didn't feel like doing it and had to push myself. I think i did the whole thing, but can't remember. I know I did at least 4 circuits, so 24 minutes (approx 300 calories).
Tuesday:
Cardio w/ Jillian (forget how many circuits, may only have been 10 minutes)
300 Calories burned on elliptical
300 calories burned on treadmill
Wednesday:
1/2 Cardio w/ Jillian
Entire Upper Body Cardio w/ Jillian
3 miles on the track
Thursday:
My plan is to do Lower Body Weights/Cardio w/ Jillian and then hit the track for a 3-mile HITT session but at the moment, am feeling tired and lazy.
I should really push myself, as this would be considered a Last Chance Workout and I need the scale to say 152. That will only be a 4 pound loss from 2 weeks ago, so 2 pounds from last week (I never weighed in, so not sure if I lost anything) and 2 pounds this week.
We shall see.....
I don't really remember, but I do think I forced myself to do the Jillian workout. I think I did have in the morning and the other half that night, but I honestly don't remember. I know i really, really didn't feel like doing it and had to push myself. I think i did the whole thing, but can't remember. I know I did at least 4 circuits, so 24 minutes (approx 300 calories).
Tuesday:
Cardio w/ Jillian (forget how many circuits, may only have been 10 minutes)
300 Calories burned on elliptical
300 calories burned on treadmill
Wednesday:
1/2 Cardio w/ Jillian
Entire Upper Body Cardio w/ Jillian
3 miles on the track
Thursday:
My plan is to do Lower Body Weights/Cardio w/ Jillian and then hit the track for a 3-mile HITT session but at the moment, am feeling tired and lazy.
I should really push myself, as this would be considered a Last Chance Workout and I need the scale to say 152. That will only be a 4 pound loss from 2 weeks ago, so 2 pounds from last week (I never weighed in, so not sure if I lost anything) and 2 pounds this week.
We shall see.....
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I Am Doomed
This is a picture of me only a month ago at 161 pounds.
I am currently 156 with only 7 weeks to go.
I am doomed.
If I even allow myself to think there is no way I will look like a model (i.e. be photographable) by September 3rd, I will lose what lingering motivation I have. I look horrid in this picture.
I can ignore the hair, it was 100 degrees, the humidity was unbearable, and my cute little curls died a slow, agonizing death. But my wedding will be indoors and in September so hopefully it will be cooler.
I can even ignore how ridiculous my chest looks -- I told my sister that I would look ridiculous in a dress cut like that, but she insisted. She believes all cleavage is evil.
But what I can't ignore are my larger than the average person's arms (see blog post The Demonic Blood Pressure Machine) and my round, definitionless face.
And what the crap color lipstick is one supposed to wear for their lips to not disappear into their face? I will have to google/study/research photogenic makeup and photography makeup techniques.
I could cry.
I do not want to look that ugly on my wedding day.
I ate 900 calories yesterday and burned 750 in cardio.
I ate less than 20 grams of carbs.
I weigh 156 pounds. :(
I need to go work out.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Wedding Weight Loss
Not sure if I've mentioned this, but my wedding date got moved 2 weeks closer. That's 2 less weeks to lose weight.
I didn't have a chance to weigh-on at the gym Friday morning. And home scale is so inaccurate, I never trust it. (Why I bother to get on it, I have no idea).
I've been packing my brains out, and eating almost no carbs, and on the rare occasions when I do eat a few carbs (under 40 grams), it puts me in the beige for 3+ days. I am very discouraged. Forced myself though a workout today, my discouragement is waning my motivation.
Even with it only being 8 weeks away, I still have time if I lose at least 2 pounds a week. At that rate, I should be able to hit 140 which is about 19% body fat for me (at least, last time i was it was).
If I can lose 3 pounds a week (which on a Ketogenic diet isn't unrealistic), I could reach 133, maybe even less, I would be very close to my wedding photo goal weight / body fat percentage of 17%.
I wish I had weighed in on Friday. A 2 or more pound loss would have been enough to make me motivated to workout this week. Tomorrow being Wednesday seems rather pointless...I may as well wait for Friday. I would want to see at leaset 152.6 (2 pounds less for last week and this week). I am so afraid I will still see 156, or almost worse, 155, a measly 1/2 pound loss per week.
I've waiting over 7 years for this wedding. Long, convoluted story. (And actually it was waiting for the groom / soul mate, but all that waiting accumulates in the wedding celebration ). And I've always imagined the day as magical an enchanted and myself as princess......a slender princess. Not the carrying around an extra 10 to 20 pound pretty girl. All brides look pretty. I want to look like a model. *sigh*
I didn't have a chance to weigh-on at the gym Friday morning. And home scale is so inaccurate, I never trust it. (Why I bother to get on it, I have no idea).
I've been packing my brains out, and eating almost no carbs, and on the rare occasions when I do eat a few carbs (under 40 grams), it puts me in the beige for 3+ days. I am very discouraged. Forced myself though a workout today, my discouragement is waning my motivation.
Even with it only being 8 weeks away, I still have time if I lose at least 2 pounds a week. At that rate, I should be able to hit 140 which is about 19% body fat for me (at least, last time i was it was).
If I can lose 3 pounds a week (which on a Ketogenic diet isn't unrealistic), I could reach 133, maybe even less, I would be very close to my wedding photo goal weight / body fat percentage of 17%.
I wish I had weighed in on Friday. A 2 or more pound loss would have been enough to make me motivated to workout this week. Tomorrow being Wednesday seems rather pointless...I may as well wait for Friday. I would want to see at leaset 152.6 (2 pounds less for last week and this week). I am so afraid I will still see 156, or almost worse, 155, a measly 1/2 pound loss per week.
I've waiting over 7 years for this wedding. Long, convoluted story. (And actually it was waiting for the groom / soul mate, but all that waiting accumulates in the wedding celebration ). And I've always imagined the day as magical an enchanted and myself as princess......a slender princess. Not the carrying around an extra 10 to 20 pound pretty girl. All brides look pretty. I want to look like a model. *sigh*
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Still in the Negative
Grrrr.
Still beige. Which equals Negative.
Then peach == trace amount.
Then pink (small) mauve (moderate) then cranberry and burgundy, (both considered large).
Last week, when I bought the strips, (Wednesday), I was mauve/moderate. Ate carbs on Friday and Saturday, a small amount on Sunday (1 brownie and 2 bites rice crispy treat) and yesterday, none except for a slice of pumpkin roll.
So I've never hit the Large, which is my goal, and then to stay there. But I am hopeful about this diet, having lost 2 pounds only in Moderate and only for approx 3-4 days.
Now last weekend I had eaten carbs too, but was in Ketosis by Wednesday, so I should be by tomorrow, unless because I am not working out, I still have sugar stored in my muscles. Grrrr. Don't want to work out just know it's burning sugar. It's a freaking heat wave here; i can push myself through it, but only if I know I am burning far. But I don't want to waste anymore time. I have 30 pounds to lose in 2 months / 9 weeks.
3x9=27 -- 129 -- never been that thin in my adult life, maybe when 14
2x9=18 -- 138 -- been there once in adult life, size 7
I could live with 138, but I best not be any higher. I have no pics of me at that weight. I no sooner reached my goal when I moved from Alaska back to the east coast and promptly gained 10 pounds. I never saw that weight again. In the last 12 years, the lowest I've ever weighed was 147 and never more than a few weeks. (I hover around 153 and 158 when I eat right/normal).
I say I could live with 138, happy and body confidently for my life, but possibly not for the wedding. These pictures are the most important thing to me, 2nd only to the actual ceremony, exchange of vows, fiance becoming husband, etc. You know what I mean -- more than the flowers or the food, etc. Ive dreamed and dreamed of this day, this fantasy, of being a princess, of being beautiful.
I've consoled myself during times of overwhelming shame, times when I felt so fat or ugly or worthless, with the thought and the dream of this day.
To look good in pictures, (or at least, to look good in pictures the way we've been conditioned to believe "looks good") I will need to be angular. I will have to have definition in my face/cheekbones, and my arms and upper back with have to be thin enough that my shoulders are clearly defined and my shoulder blades clearly visible (not hidden under layer of fat). I don't know if that is possible at 138, I don't remember what it looks like, though I do know it's about 19% bodyfat for me. (127 is probably around 17% -- the same as most models and actresses, and yes, if my body can easily maintain it while eating Friday night pizza and at least small portion desserts over the weekend , I will probably stay there.) I am pretty sure I will need to get there for the pictures, so.....
Need to get into the purple and then stay there for the next 9 weeks (including weeekends). I already told DH that I won't be eating carbs even on weekends, not even pizza. I am very motivated and very focused, I just need to get back in fat burning mode.
The high today will be 101 degrees, feeling like 103, and with humidity ranging form 33% -- 49%.
I don't have air conditioning (except in my car) and the gym air barely works in reg temps, let alone these. We are in excessive heat warning. I want to be in purple! Then I could work out in this. Grrrr....I hope I am in purple tomorrow, I am running out of time.
Still beige. Which equals Negative.
Then peach == trace amount.
Then pink (small) mauve (moderate) then cranberry and burgundy, (both considered large).
Last week, when I bought the strips, (Wednesday), I was mauve/moderate. Ate carbs on Friday and Saturday, a small amount on Sunday (1 brownie and 2 bites rice crispy treat) and yesterday, none except for a slice of pumpkin roll.
So I've never hit the Large, which is my goal, and then to stay there. But I am hopeful about this diet, having lost 2 pounds only in Moderate and only for approx 3-4 days.
Now last weekend I had eaten carbs too, but was in Ketosis by Wednesday, so I should be by tomorrow, unless because I am not working out, I still have sugar stored in my muscles. Grrrr. Don't want to work out just know it's burning sugar. It's a freaking heat wave here; i can push myself through it, but only if I know I am burning far. But I don't want to waste anymore time. I have 30 pounds to lose in 2 months / 9 weeks.
3x9=27 -- 129 -- never been that thin in my adult life, maybe when 14
2x9=18 -- 138 -- been there once in adult life, size 7
I could live with 138, but I best not be any higher. I have no pics of me at that weight. I no sooner reached my goal when I moved from Alaska back to the east coast and promptly gained 10 pounds. I never saw that weight again. In the last 12 years, the lowest I've ever weighed was 147 and never more than a few weeks. (I hover around 153 and 158 when I eat right/normal).
I say I could live with 138, happy and body confidently for my life, but possibly not for the wedding. These pictures are the most important thing to me, 2nd only to the actual ceremony, exchange of vows, fiance becoming husband, etc. You know what I mean -- more than the flowers or the food, etc. Ive dreamed and dreamed of this day, this fantasy, of being a princess, of being beautiful.
I've consoled myself during times of overwhelming shame, times when I felt so fat or ugly or worthless, with the thought and the dream of this day.
To look good in pictures, (or at least, to look good in pictures the way we've been conditioned to believe "looks good") I will need to be angular. I will have to have definition in my face/cheekbones, and my arms and upper back with have to be thin enough that my shoulders are clearly defined and my shoulder blades clearly visible (not hidden under layer of fat). I don't know if that is possible at 138, I don't remember what it looks like, though I do know it's about 19% bodyfat for me. (127 is probably around 17% -- the same as most models and actresses, and yes, if my body can easily maintain it while eating Friday night pizza and at least small portion desserts over the weekend , I will probably stay there.) I am pretty sure I will need to get there for the pictures, so.....
Need to get into the purple and then stay there for the next 9 weeks (including weeekends). I already told DH that I won't be eating carbs even on weekends, not even pizza. I am very motivated and very focused, I just need to get back in fat burning mode.
The high today will be 101 degrees, feeling like 103, and with humidity ranging form 33% -- 49%.
I don't have air conditioning (except in my car) and the gym air barely works in reg temps, let alone these. We are in excessive heat warning. I want to be in purple! Then I could work out in this. Grrrr....I hope I am in purple tomorrow, I am running out of time.
How to Plan an Elegant Wedding for under $3000
You really need to decide what is most important to you. An elegant setting and luxurious ambiance or casual atmosphere and homey decor.
I've longed for that elegant wedding, that fairytale princess moment when, surrounded by luxury, grace, and beauty, you realize that this is the moment, this is the day to be that princess, savor it for ever...I've longed and dreamed and fantasized about that moment for the better part of 7 years.
Thus, key elements were vital to creating, capturing and savoring that princess moment:
1) Venue / Location
2) Photographer
3) Princess Dress
Everything else is built around these elements. Thus the church was cut from the equation (sniff, sniff*), guest list paired down to 35, food being made myself, florist eliminated, decor done myself. (Sometimes being creative and perfectionist comes in handy, most times its just annoying).
The dress (amazingly) cost me $100, though I still need to have it bustled, buy the headpiece, and the undergarments.
Take venue's discount for day rates. I have to be out of mansion by 4pm.
Shop for bargains!
Wedding Reception decor: Michael's crafts
Flowers and Centerpieces. Imagine pink and white flowers cascading from a thin, elegant vase wrapped in lush greens and surrounded with crystal pink flowers, shimmering white butterflies, and flickering votive candles....
Not only did I create and put together the above centerpiece, but bought all the flowers for the buffet, cake, etc. tables, as well as other decor like candles, accents (shimmering white peacocks, etc).
Amazingly, I really think it will look like an enchanted ballroom. I was beginning to lose hope.
TOTAL COST: $102
That was buying mostly clearance at 60-70% off, some wedding stuff at 50% off, and then a coupon for 15% off the entire order.
* * *
Favors, Floral, and misc: DOLLAR STORE
Some greens, the vases, the favor boxes, the ring bearers pillow and garter belt (very elastic, won't make me feel fat by indenting my thing, and creating rolls of squishiness -- yea!)Who ever heard of a dollar store with a wedding section? Not me, a girl friend told me about it. Very odd, but handy!
Total Cost: $50
* * *
Cake Tier Stand: EBAY
I found a 3 tier cake stand on ebay for $20. That's awesome considering most start at $70 and run into the 300's. I snatched it up immediately.
* * *
Rings: Various Online Jewelers
We finally found the rings, or should I say, i finally settled on a ring setting, then scoured the Internet (and found them less expensive), paid for and ordered them....so they should be in the mail. Engagement and band were bought separate, so he is going to wait for both to come and ensure they "go" be fore proposing.
They are 10k White gold instead of 14k, and the diamond of course is a CZ -- our plan is to replace it with a real stone on our 7th anniversary.
Total Cost: $375 (instead of 670)
* * *
Misc Stuff and What I'm still working on:
There is no way I can afford the scroll wedding invitations I want. :( Or even the castle embossed invitations, so am trying to think up another idea to have fairytale like invites for my fairytale like wedding.
Bad news -- the event coordinator at mansion says the oven doesn't work, and that caterers don't use it. !!!!!!!! Um, I can't afford a caterer, so I was buying all my own stuff at BJ's, so how in the world am I supposed to cook it? Apparently, I'm not. So....cold hor dourves anyone?
FOOD
I finally found affordable chaffer pans, so I guess dinner will be cooked on the stove top (meatballs, pasta with red sauce, pasta with white sauce, french green beans). I am also making up Cesar salad.
Oh, before anyone panics, I do have a waitstaff of one -- I have someone to keep an eye on the food, refresh trays, etc. But I am buying the food myself at BJ's, cooking it the night before (since it needs to be reheated on stove top and for all I know this antiquated stove won't boil water).
Hor d'ourves
And now for the hor d'orves -- I am so excited about these! Trays and silver platters of cheeses and gourmet crackers and garnished with blueberries and pecan, decorated with greens, lush clusters of grapes, and an array of fried fruit. Everything is coming from BJ's, and the silver trays from Goodwill. I already purchased stands of ivy garland from the dollar store to wound in between the trays.
Cocktails
And I came up with these drinks (i think 4 of us actually drink alcohol, but I wanted something that seemed special and extravagant):
Punch Bowl: Cranberry juice and Ginger Ale w/ cranberries in the bottom of the bowl/glass, garnished with lime
Punch Bowl: Pineapple juice and sprite – garnished with orange
Punch Bowl: Coke Cola with vanilla ice cream and maraschino cherries
Pitcher: Ice Tea – garnished with lemon (1 Gallon / 3 liters)
On a separate table:
6 bottles of wine, 4 white, 2 red
Peach Champagne Punch – Pitcher or Bowl, haven't decided
1 cup frozen sliced peaches
2 ounces champagne
1 ounce peach schnapps (skip?)
1 ounce peach vodka
Vanilla ice cream
Ok, including the chaffer pans, the drinks and appetizers and all the food which also includes the dinner rolls and butter -- under $250.
Linens:
It's another $200 for the chair covers, table linens, plates, and silverware (those first impressions looks like linen/china/silver stuff).
And $100 for my one-person waitstaff.
So $550 total. I can't even get someone to cater food (meal and apps) for that much let alone have drinks and the linens and chair covers included. Needless to say, I am pretty happy/satisfied. It came to more than I initially estimated, but after exploring all options, this is the most cost effective. If I find myself with a little extra as the weeks approach, I am going to hire another waitstaff, atleast during cocktail hour if not also the dinner hour.
I am trying to see how much a friend of mine (a professional DJ) will DJ for 1 hour. But I still need to fly my brother in (buy his tickets), book hotel rooms, find a florist, get measurements for tuxes, buy, address, and mail invitations, get a marriage license, find a headpiece, find a hairstylist, order all the things in this post hat I've simply acquired the prices on, order cake, get proposed too and lose weight to fit into the dress.
But that's all. No need to panic.
I've longed for that elegant wedding, that fairytale princess moment when, surrounded by luxury, grace, and beauty, you realize that this is the moment, this is the day to be that princess, savor it for ever...I've longed and dreamed and fantasized about that moment for the better part of 7 years.
Thus, key elements were vital to creating, capturing and savoring that princess moment:
1) Venue / Location
2) Photographer
3) Princess Dress
Everything else is built around these elements. Thus the church was cut from the equation (sniff, sniff*), guest list paired down to 35, food being made myself, florist eliminated, decor done myself. (Sometimes being creative and perfectionist comes in handy, most times its just annoying).
The dress (amazingly) cost me $100, though I still need to have it bustled, buy the headpiece, and the undergarments.
Take venue's discount for day rates. I have to be out of mansion by 4pm.
Shop for bargains!
Wedding Reception decor: Michael's crafts
Flowers and Centerpieces. Imagine pink and white flowers cascading from a thin, elegant vase wrapped in lush greens and surrounded with crystal pink flowers, shimmering white butterflies, and flickering votive candles....
Not only did I create and put together the above centerpiece, but bought all the flowers for the buffet, cake, etc. tables, as well as other decor like candles, accents (shimmering white peacocks, etc).
Amazingly, I really think it will look like an enchanted ballroom. I was beginning to lose hope.
TOTAL COST: $102
That was buying mostly clearance at 60-70% off, some wedding stuff at 50% off, and then a coupon for 15% off the entire order.
* * *
Favors, Floral, and misc: DOLLAR STORE
Some greens, the vases, the favor boxes, the ring bearers pillow and garter belt (very elastic, won't make me feel fat by indenting my thing, and creating rolls of squishiness -- yea!)Who ever heard of a dollar store with a wedding section? Not me, a girl friend told me about it. Very odd, but handy!
Total Cost: $50
* * *
Cake Tier Stand: EBAY
I found a 3 tier cake stand on ebay for $20. That's awesome considering most start at $70 and run into the 300's. I snatched it up immediately.
* * *
Rings: Various Online Jewelers
We finally found the rings, or should I say, i finally settled on a ring setting, then scoured the Internet (and found them less expensive), paid for and ordered them....so they should be in the mail. Engagement and band were bought separate, so he is going to wait for both to come and ensure they "go" be fore proposing.
They are 10k White gold instead of 14k, and the diamond of course is a CZ -- our plan is to replace it with a real stone on our 7th anniversary.
* * *
Misc Stuff and What I'm still working on:
There is no way I can afford the scroll wedding invitations I want. :( Or even the castle embossed invitations, so am trying to think up another idea to have fairytale like invites for my fairytale like wedding.
Bad news -- the event coordinator at mansion says the oven doesn't work, and that caterers don't use it. !!!!!!!! Um, I can't afford a caterer, so I was buying all my own stuff at BJ's, so how in the world am I supposed to cook it? Apparently, I'm not. So....cold hor dourves anyone?
FOOD
I finally found affordable chaffer pans, so I guess dinner will be cooked on the stove top (meatballs, pasta with red sauce, pasta with white sauce, french green beans). I am also making up Cesar salad.
Oh, before anyone panics, I do have a waitstaff of one -- I have someone to keep an eye on the food, refresh trays, etc. But I am buying the food myself at BJ's, cooking it the night before (since it needs to be reheated on stove top and for all I know this antiquated stove won't boil water).
Hor d'ourves
And now for the hor d'orves -- I am so excited about these! Trays and silver platters of cheeses and gourmet crackers and garnished with blueberries and pecan, decorated with greens, lush clusters of grapes, and an array of fried fruit. Everything is coming from BJ's, and the silver trays from Goodwill. I already purchased stands of ivy garland from the dollar store to wound in between the trays.
Cocktails
And I came up with these drinks (i think 4 of us actually drink alcohol, but I wanted something that seemed special and extravagant):
Punch Bowl: Cranberry juice and Ginger Ale w/ cranberries in the bottom of the bowl/glass, garnished with lime
Punch Bowl: Pineapple juice and sprite – garnished with orange
Punch Bowl: Coke Cola with vanilla ice cream and maraschino cherries
Pitcher: Ice Tea – garnished with lemon (1 Gallon / 3 liters)
On a separate table:
6 bottles of wine, 4 white, 2 red
Peach Champagne Punch – Pitcher or Bowl, haven't decided
1 cup frozen sliced peaches
2 ounces champagne
1 ounce peach schnapps (skip?)
1 ounce peach vodka
Vanilla ice cream
Ok, including the chaffer pans, the drinks and appetizers and all the food which also includes the dinner rolls and butter -- under $250.
Linens:
It's another $200 for the chair covers, table linens, plates, and silverware (those first impressions looks like linen/china/silver stuff).
And $100 for my one-person waitstaff.
So $550 total. I can't even get someone to cater food (meal and apps) for that much let alone have drinks and the linens and chair covers included. Needless to say, I am pretty happy/satisfied. It came to more than I initially estimated, but after exploring all options, this is the most cost effective. If I find myself with a little extra as the weeks approach, I am going to hire another waitstaff, atleast during cocktail hour if not also the dinner hour.
I am trying to see how much a friend of mine (a professional DJ) will DJ for 1 hour. But I still need to fly my brother in (buy his tickets), book hotel rooms, find a florist, get measurements for tuxes, buy, address, and mail invitations, get a marriage license, find a headpiece, find a hairstylist, order all the things in this post hat I've simply acquired the prices on, order cake, get proposed too and lose weight to fit into the dress.
But that's all. No need to panic.
Cheap Class B@%$#
Some really rude guy called me a cheap class b*%$# in reply to a craigslist post because I would pay money for a live musician to play classical music in the ballroom but simply wanted a caterer to drop me off meatballs for food. He claimed to be some CIA chef graduate and then bade me farewell adding that he hoped I got sick (on the meatballs).
Um, what was the point? Does he really think I will suddenly see the "error of my ways", kiss his feet, and refinance my foreclosed home just so he can caterer my wedding. I wouldn't go near a creep like that with a 30-inch pole, let alone give him a cent of my non-existent money.
For crying out loud, the little Italian restaurant up the street wants to charge me $280 for meatballs and ziti to feed 35 people. It can not possibly cost this much -- which is why I am now catering the food myself.
I know...it sounds crazy. But I want an elegant affair without the price tag. Actually, if I had the money, I would gladly pay it. My desire would be an orchestra or atleast a dozen strings, white gloved waiters, and more food than is possible to eat with 200 some guests, but I don't have it. So everything is supposed to be that vision scaled back.
*sigh*
I bet that guy isn't really a chef...but a lonely, fat dork who sits at his comp all day long with no life, looking at porn or scanning craigslist to see who he can write nasty messages to.
Um, what was the point? Does he really think I will suddenly see the "error of my ways", kiss his feet, and refinance my foreclosed home just so he can caterer my wedding. I wouldn't go near a creep like that with a 30-inch pole, let alone give him a cent of my non-existent money.
For crying out loud, the little Italian restaurant up the street wants to charge me $280 for meatballs and ziti to feed 35 people. It can not possibly cost this much -- which is why I am now catering the food myself.
I know...it sounds crazy. But I want an elegant affair without the price tag. Actually, if I had the money, I would gladly pay it. My desire would be an orchestra or atleast a dozen strings, white gloved waiters, and more food than is possible to eat with 200 some guests, but I don't have it. So everything is supposed to be that vision scaled back.
*sigh*
I bet that guy isn't really a chef...but a lonely, fat dork who sits at his comp all day long with no life, looking at porn or scanning craigslist to see who he can write nasty messages to.
How to Plan a Wedding in 2 months....
Don't.
You don't like that answer? Well, then here is a tip:
Don't set your heart on a particular date:
So after getting my heart ripped to pieces and kicking myself for not putting a deposit down for the 17th, we have actually been able to lengthen our honeymoon 33%. September 3rd is the Friday of Labor Day weekend, so now we can stay at the hotel Fri, Sat, and Sun night adding an extra night to the original plan.
Fortunately the photographer was willing to reschedule a small photoshoot she had lined up that day and will still shoot my wedding.
Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Oh, the oven doesn't work? How am I supposed to cook the food for my guests?
Oh, you can't afford to fly out so I need to fly you myself?
Oh, the grand piano in the ballroom has disappeared?
*#@$%^%(&*^%$
You don't like that answer? Well, then here is a tip:
Don't set your heart on a particular date:
So after getting my heart ripped to pieces and kicking myself for not putting a deposit down for the 17th, we have actually been able to lengthen our honeymoon 33%. September 3rd is the Friday of Labor Day weekend, so now we can stay at the hotel Fri, Sat, and Sun night adding an extra night to the original plan.
Fortunately the photographer was willing to reschedule a small photoshoot she had lined up that day and will still shoot my wedding.
Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
Oh, the oven doesn't work? How am I supposed to cook the food for my guests?
Oh, you can't afford to fly out so I need to fly you myself?
Oh, the grand piano in the ballroom has disappeared?
*#@$%^%(&*^%$
Happy Birthday
To try and catch up from a long weekend:
Thursday -- my birthday, in ketosis fat burning-mode (purple on pee stick), got devastating news that the mansion is booked on 9/17 (the wedding date planned as it is anniversary of when we first met in person)
Friday -- weigh-in day -- 156.6 -- FINALLY lost 2 pounds. Love this new diet. Am almost disappointed going out to dinner with friends to favorite restaurant (Outback) and will leave ketosis. Girlfriend and I went to mansion, booked last remaining day -- 9/3.
Had a blast, ate surprisingly well, though drank alot. :)
Saturday -- very light pink on stick / no longer in ketosis. Was going to eat back on diet, but gave in abit.
Sunday -- church 4th of July picnic, ate VERY well -- burger with no roll, deviled eggs, only drank water, gave in an had 1 brownie and 2 small bites rice crispy treats. (All other food that day was protein). Took fiance to Mansion, showed him the beautiful grounds and ballroom.
Monday -- extra day off, still peeing n the negative (not even pink). Ate protein all day, around 700-800 calories till I gave in and had some pumpkin roll. I need to get back into the purple, I am NOT tempted to eat when I am in fat-burning mode. This negative mode is killing me. And I'm not motivated to go work out, want to wait till I'm in the purple and know that every calorie burned is from fat.
Tuesday -- as we speak. Still in the negative. GRRRR!!!! How long does it freaking take? Maybe I need to workout, but too busy planning a wedding in only 2 months and procrastinating on packing while blaming the heatwave for lethargy and lack of motivation.
Thursday -- my birthday, in ketosis fat burning-mode (purple on pee stick), got devastating news that the mansion is booked on 9/17 (the wedding date planned as it is anniversary of when we first met in person)
Friday -- weigh-in day -- 156.6 -- FINALLY lost 2 pounds. Love this new diet. Am almost disappointed going out to dinner with friends to favorite restaurant (Outback) and will leave ketosis. Girlfriend and I went to mansion, booked last remaining day -- 9/3.
Had a blast, ate surprisingly well, though drank alot. :)
Saturday -- very light pink on stick / no longer in ketosis. Was going to eat back on diet, but gave in abit.
Sunday -- church 4th of July picnic, ate VERY well -- burger with no roll, deviled eggs, only drank water, gave in an had 1 brownie and 2 small bites rice crispy treats. (All other food that day was protein). Took fiance to Mansion, showed him the beautiful grounds and ballroom.
Monday -- extra day off, still peeing n the negative (not even pink). Ate protein all day, around 700-800 calories till I gave in and had some pumpkin roll. I need to get back into the purple, I am NOT tempted to eat when I am in fat-burning mode. This negative mode is killing me. And I'm not motivated to go work out, want to wait till I'm in the purple and know that every calorie burned is from fat.
Tuesday -- as we speak. Still in the negative. GRRRR!!!! How long does it freaking take? Maybe I need to workout, but too busy planning a wedding in only 2 months and procrastinating on packing while blaming the heatwave for lethargy and lack of motivation.
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