Natural Tatas

So I'm on facebook and there's an ad for those sticky bras things -- you know, basically duct taping the girls into position. Anyway, why I clicked on it, I don't know, but they had a bunch of pics with one breast taped and the other not.

I was actually pretty blown away...not by the product, mind you, but that the models didn't have naturally perky breasts -- the way magazines and such advertise. Granted, I realize there is much photo-shopping, but you never know what was photoshopped and what wasn't,  all you see is the glossy, so called perfect finished product/image.

Point is, I am glad I'm not the only one whose girls aren't perky. And it was nice to see a variety of women/models  in their "natural" state and to see proof that I'm not deformed or saggy....just normal. :)

Here are some of the pics and the link.

If you are offended by nudity, don't scroll down!

And here is the link if you want to see more pics, or want to buy the product: http://www.brastick.com/index.php?country=US&a=001&b=stick

Color

If anyone visits this blog, they will notice a new design. One that actually has color.

I just spent the last several hours designing it in all monochromatic pink. When I was finally done, I realized that while it was pretty, it was incredibly boring.

I've been reading style books (again) trying to figure out how to dress like a girl without looking ridiculous, fake, or too over the top. My mom was not a girly-girl by any means. No makeup, no jewelry, just jeans and sweatshirts (or T-shirts). That's basically how I dress. Baggy. Just like my mom. I end up looking sloppy and fat, but most times, I don't know what else to wear, because fitted = rolls.

The other thing is I dress in basically the same colors. Even some friends have commented that all I wear is black or brown with the occasional pink. So I've branched out to include teal. I've bought 2 teal tops -- tops, mind you, not t-shirts, in the past month. They are really cute, are cut out in the back, and very overall feminine.

Anyway...back to the new blog design. So realizing that it was totally boring its beautiful shades of pink, I opted for colors and decided to pick the blue and green that show up in my weight loss ticker.

This is a really big step for me. I know that sounds dumb. But it really is. I am a perfectionist. And everything has to be just perfect because it represents me and it must represent exactly who I am. Again, I know that sounds dumb.

So this is the new me, or the new blog. Pink, blue, and green.

Hope you enjoy!

Self-Encouragement

I am so down right now, feeling particularly self-conscious and like I will never not have rolls when I sit, let lone ever see bones, so I'm blogging to vent, and doing calculations to see how far I still have to go to reach my goal of 129 to cheer myself up.

I'm 146.2.

That's at least one pound thinner than when I first met my husband in person.

It's also the thinnest I've been in 12 years.

12 years ago, I got down to my thinnest adult weight ever -- 138. I only maintained it for a few months, because I went "off" the diet and 10 pounds seemed to come back overnight. Since then, the lowest I've ever gotten has been 147...and even then, only on occasion. I usually hit about 149, and somehow or another lose momentum. Usually, it's the end of the summer or holidays come up and I maintain for awhile, then end up creeping back to 155, 158, 162. Sometimes, like a year and a half ago when I started this journey, I ended up over 170.

I can't believe it -- I'm only 6.3 pounds away from reaching 139.9!

I've only been under 140 once, 12 years ago.

I'm only 8.2 pounds away from being my thinnest ever.

And I'm only 17 pounds away from being 129.2. Less than 20. At that weight, I assume I will lose the flab in my arms and be able to see muscle tone. At that weight, I assume, my ribs will show, my shoulder blades will show, and a hit of spine will be nice.

But 17 weeks puts me in the end of September.

Will I be able to hold onto this motivation till then? Will I be able to keep pushing myself to run...even when the heat waves set in? What happens when i run out of biggest loser episodes to watch? (They've been my motivation -- watching several episodes of the Australia version every day).

I can't think about the 17. I just can't. It's too much, it's too far away.

Right now, I am going to focus on losing at least .5 this week, which makes my WW 10%. Of course I hope to lose more than that, but I've lost 2.2 the last two weeks, and I'm not sure after weight losses of .4's and .8's before that, how long that will continue.

My next goal after that will def be 139.9.

Then, probably, 134.9.

Then I will focus on 129.

Hopefully, somewhere in there, I will start feel thin.

My First Race



Amazingly, I somehow managed to run my first 5k race under 30 minutes. That was my goal, but since I run a 12 minute mile every day I run, I never thought I could shave 6 minutes off my time.

First off, it was very hard (and very hot). My breathing was labored almost from the beginning because I literally ran as far as I could before I walked to catch my breath. I have no idea how long I ran, but when I usually run, the longest I ever do at one time is 1/10th of a mile.

I kept this one girl in my sights even though she was pretty far ahead of me. I kept catching up to her, but then I would have to walk and ended up falling behind. This happened over and over again, until I got frustrated and passed her. Then amazingly, I never saw her again.

But then as I kept running, and walking, different groups of girls would come out of nowhere and pass me. So then I was like, oh no you don't, and would push myself to run. Again and again.

At the end, my breathing was so hard, and face felt like it was burning, and these two girls kept coming up beside me, and I was like, I have not done this for this long and this hard for you to pass me, and I just started running faster. Then I finally saw the 3 mile marker and started sprinting as fast as I could....or so I thought.

Then I saw the clock at the finish line and it AMAZINGLY said 29-something minutes, and at THAT point I ran as fast as I bloody could. According to my chip, my time was 29:35.

I was breathing so hard after I was done, and trying to talk to my husband and son who were waiting for me, that one of the race officials thought i was having an asthma attack. I laughed and told her I was fine, that I'd just smoked for 17 years.

I was stoked. I couldn't believe I made my goal -- quite an unrealistic goal. I ended up placing 7th in my division (females 30-39). I hope that's good.

For my first race, I'm pretty proud. :)

Learning Confidence

Off to go see Kung Fu Panda 2. I adored the first one; Jack Black really made Po's character. I liked the whole message of the movie...learning to accept yourself for who you are and realizing that you bring something to the world that no one else can.

In the beginning, Po says, "I'm here, because if anyone can make me not me, it's you." But by the end, when confronted by the villain who is totally not threatened by him and who says, "You're just a big, fat panda," Po responds, "No, I'm THE big, fat panda."

So yea, I loved the movie and am very excited about the sequel.

Can't Believe It!!!

I am shell-shocked. I never expected to search yahoo images for "happy scale".

 Either my home scale (which has always been exactly 6 pounds less than WW) is off or the WW scale is off, because the WW scale said I lost an additional 2.2 pounds this week.

Part of me is super-psyched. The other part is, whose scale went haywire?


Did WW recalibrate theirs? Certainly nothing changed with my home scale. After jumping up to 145 all week, it went back to 143 both yesterday and this morning, which should have meant WW scale said 149. I almost didn't go because I didn't want to see a gain. (Last week, WW said 148.4)

But somehow or another, the WW scale said today: 146.2!!!

Only .4 pounds and I will reach my 10%. And that doesn't count the 10 pounds I lost before joining!

So, I am much more motivated to stay within points this difficult holiday weekend (not only barbecue on Monday, but going to see Kung Fu Panda 2 tomorrow which must include pretzel bites with cheese!). Def no pizza this weekend, lol.

Sigh...last time this usual 3-nights of pizza per weekend girl had pizza was 2 slices (compared to the normal 4) of rising crust frozen pizza. With that exception, I have not had pizza in 7 weeks. I am dying for REAL, pizzeria, smothered in pepperoni, dripping with grease pizza.

Next weekend, lol. Will work it in points wise, but can't this weekend due the holiday.

Oh well, can't believe I lost. Am fearful next week will show the scale was wrong and I gain back 2 pounds. Really hard to not just let myself truly enjoy because one of the scales was wrong. If next week shows another loss, I'll believe it. And be stoked.

Don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy and this is def the motivation I needed to get through this weekend without binging like the old me. Just wish both scales matched up as they have for the last 8 months. : /

Friday Bait and Switch

As you know, for weeks I've been weighing it at WW on Wednesdays losing numbers like .4, .8, and my worst, .2. So last week, I switched to Friday (since the home scale seems to shows a consistent loss of 1 pound per week) and lost 2 pounds! And now one week later, skipping WW Wednesday, it's Friday and the home scale says I've GAINED.

I feel like ripping my hair out.

I work too hard to see gains. My first thought/desire is to eat the very food I've been depriving myself of because what's the point? This urge is going to be particularly difficult this holiday weekend. It would be so much easier to pass up yummy delights at parties if I were high off a loss.
 
The verdict is not officially i though. I have 2 more hours till weigh-in, need to go to the bathroom, and may work out (which only ONCE worked -- the scale went down 1 1/2 pounds from my morning weight after I worked out, but hey, I can try).