Not quite a binge

So, being very discouraged with only a .2 weight loss, I decided to go out to dinner with my hubby. I got dressed up, even did my hair, and we went to a pizza restaurant. I had 3 slices of a med pepperoni pizza, plus split an appetizer (i had a few onion rings and 1 1/2 chicken tenders dipped in honey mustard. Then, realizing that they didn't have the dessert I really wanted, we went to TGIF and split the brownie obsession (minus the pecans). Amazingly, I was not stuffed. I didn't overeat. It was fattening foods to be sure, but I didn't stuff myself silly and felt satisfied.

I got home and pointed it out and realized I still had 35 of my 49 points left (had alot of daily's left too). I was quite impressed.

Today we went kayaking for an hour, and then went food shopping. Since WW in April, I've not been in eating high fat foods all weekend long (pizza every night, etc.), but I woke up wanting a weekend off. I wanted my venti white mocha from Starbucks, I wanted a chic-fillet cookies and cream milkshake. I wanted pizza and chocolate cake. You get the picture.

So I ended up getting a rising crust pepperoni pizza, to eat half tonight and half tomorrow (he got supreme). I also got a slice of triple colossal chocolate cake -- and oh my gosh, it looks delicious. But hey, I bought a slice, not a whole cake (which would be devoured over the weekend). With his supreme pizza came 12 chocolate chip cookies you bake in the oven -- my absolute favorite, which we are going to split for tomorrow night's dessert.

I have decided I will point all this, even though I know it will def come over my 49. BUT, for a weekend off, I don't think it's that bad. I'm not binging. I'm not eating to the point of feeling stuffed. I'm not eating everything in sight. In fact, when I got hungry for lunch, I cut myself up some red pepper and ate it dipped in calorie-free dressing.

So even though I am taking a weekend off, which was totally unplanned and wouldn't have happened had I lost this week, I think I am doing it smart. Will I regret it Monday morning? I don't know. Will I regret it Friday morning at weigh-in if I lose nothing? Probably. Will I regret it if I gain? Definitely. But I have all week to burn it off, and since I'm going to point it, I will at least know how many exercise points I have to earn to make up for some of it. I don't really expect to gain. We'll see.

I'm already up to 8 points today. I'm going to hit at least 10, probably 12. (I'm doing high-impact step aerobics with weights while watching Australia Biggest Loser episodes on YouTube). Yesterday I did 8 points, despite laying on the couch for over an hour too unmotivated to get up and do anything after coming home from weigh-in.  7 is my usual max. 4 is my minimum. I usually hit 42 a week. I think I'll aim for 55, but at least 50 and see what the scale says Friday.

And now, back to Biggest Loser and my step (while carrying 26 pounds in a back pack -- the weight I've lost). Then off to my pizza dinner and delicious chocolate cake! :)

Weigh-in

.2

And all I needed to reach my 10% and get a keychain was .4.

I knew the WW scale was off last week. Home scale said 140. Weight Watchers scale said 146. That's right back to exactly a 6 pound difference. What happened last week, I have no idea. So basically, instead of losing 2.2 last week, I probably only lost a pound. And this week a pound. Or 1.2 each week.

So freaking frustrated. I knew not to believe the scale last week.

I am dumb AND fat.

Self-Encouragement

I am so down right now, feeling particularly self-conscious and like I will never not have rolls when I sit, let lone ever see bones, so I'm blogging to vent, and doing calculations to see how far I still have to go to reach my goal of 129 to cheer myself up.

I'm 146.2.

That's at least one pound thinner than when I first met my husband in person.

It's also the thinnest I've been in 12 years.

12 years ago, I got down to my thinnest adult weight ever -- 138. I only maintained it for a few months, because I went "off" the diet and 10 pounds seemed to come back overnight. Since then, the lowest I've ever gotten has been 147...and even then, only on occasion. I usually hit about 149, and somehow or another lose momentum. Usually, it's the end of the summer or holidays come up and I maintain for awhile, then end up creeping back to 155, 158, 162. Sometimes, like a year and a half ago when I started this journey, I ended up over 170.

I can't believe it -- I'm only 6.3 pounds away from reaching 139.9!

I've only been under 140 once, 12 years ago.

I'm only 8.2 pounds away from being my thinnest ever.

And I'm only 17 pounds away from being 129.2. Less than 20. At that weight, I assume I will lose the flab in my arms and be able to see muscle tone. At that weight, I assume, my ribs will show, my shoulder blades will show, and a hit of spine will be nice.

But 17 weeks puts me in the end of September.

Will I be able to hold onto this motivation till then? Will I be able to keep pushing myself to run...even when the heat waves set in? What happens when i run out of biggest loser episodes to watch? (They've been my motivation -- watching several episodes of the Australia version every day).

I can't think about the 17. I just can't. It's too much, it's too far away.

Right now, I am going to focus on losing at least .5 this week, which makes my WW 10%. Of course I hope to lose more than that, but I've lost 2.2 the last two weeks, and I'm not sure after weight losses of .4's and .8's before that, how long that will continue.

My next goal after that will def be 139.9.

Then, probably, 134.9.

Then I will focus on 129.

Hopefully, somewhere in there, I will start feel thin.