Reward Changes

My goal was to reach 133 by my 33rd birthday, which at 146 and 4 weeks away, is def not going to happen. I then readjusted that goal to be 139 by my birthday. That will only be possible if I lose 2 pounds for the next  4 weeks...highly unlikely as I only lost .2 this week.

Anyway, I reached my first reward goal of 149, but lip plumpers don't work, so that reward fell to the wayside. The next reward of eyelash perm was supposed to be at 144 (when my goal was 138), but then changed to 139, when my goal changed to 129. And then a loose body wave perm was supposed to be another goal reward, but that one changed too. I don't even remember at this point.

But point is, I had no idea it was going to be such a struggle to lose this weight. Thus, I thought I would be going the summer with curled eyelashes and permed hair. And confidence.

So...I am doing both, hair and eye lashes, before my mini birthday vacation. Hubby and my's birthday are 2 days apart so we are celebrating them together, and I have surprise weekend getaway planned for him at a place he's wanted to visit for awhile now.

One other change though, I am not getting hair permed. I didn't really want it permed -- even just a loose body wave. I was going that for him, because he said that was his favorite hair style. But for memorial day, I'd braided my wet hair the night before so it would be wavy for the barbecue.

1) He didn't say anything after I'd taken all the braids out and styled it.

2) When I finally asked him if he just hadn't noticed or if he just wasn't saying anything. He said, um, let me see it (he had seen it, but now, inspected it -- that alone, told me he didn't like it

3) He said it was okay.

4) So.....i then showed him the pics I'd taken into the hairdresser as examples of what I wanted when I set up my appointment. He was equally unimpressed.

5) He then said he doesn't even remember telling me he preferred loose wavy hair, and that he didn't, unless compared to tight, permed ringlets -- which I never asked him about. ???? Men.

THANK GOODNESS I braided my hair. I actually thanked him profusely. I would have been so upset had I spent the money on a perm, holding my breath to see if I liked, and fearing I'd hate it and have to convince myself I looked good to him. The whole perm was going to be a surprise. I was just going to come home and assumed he would see me and think how brilliantly beautiful I was with my new 'do.

So....I'm actually going to do what I want to do, and that is a Keratin straightening treatment. My hair always looks like crap....except when it's been freshly blown-dry straight after a haircut by the stylist. I've never been able to repeat it (my thick hair takes over an hour to dry like that, and the closest I can come to it is with a straightener, which if I did every day, or even just on weekends would quickly fry my already dry ends.

But supposedly, a Keratin treatment gives you that look without any maintenance. It's more expensive -- 250 at my salon -- but it locks out humidity (which is horrible here on east coast) and it's the only style I've ever loved and felt, and I mean REALLY felt beautiful with it. And it lasts 3 - 6 months. So, instead of it being a surprise, I then showed him pictures to ensure he would like it, and he said, yea, straight is what he's used to on me (though mine does have an odd wave to it -- mostly due to the regular ponytail) and that I was silly to consider getting a perm when I didn't want one and should do what makes me feel confident.

So....again, grateful I braided my hair and saved myself what could have been a disaster. And at least, even if I don't reach goal all summer, I will have liked my hair and felt pretty in that regard this summer. And hopefully that will give me the confidence to keep working out despite the heat and slow weight loss.

PS -- the picture for this post is EXACTLY what my hair looks like when blow-dried straight. :) So, since the weight is taking forever to come off, this (and my eyelashes) is my reward for learning how to not binge (and not doing it for over 2 months, when used to EVERY weekend), for exercising consistently and at the maximum even when not losing, and for overall not giving up this time around.

bikini dreams

Well, apparently despite freezing and just exiting out of the screen without a confirmation, the bikini order was still placed. *sigh*

I am going away on a mini-weekend vacation with my hubby over the 4th of July weekend. That's what I was ordering it for. I no i will probably feel good in it WITH the vest/wrap, but whether or not I will take that out and go swimming I've no idea (which was part of my exercise plan to maintain/not gain over the vacation).

Of course, you also have the problem of ordering a swimsuit online and it not fitting. I only paid for standard shipping so no idea if I have time to send it back and get another size if it doesn't fit, but I'm not too worried about that. I ordered the bottom in a size 10. I'm between an 8 and a 10 at the moment, but as slow as I lose weight, I don't think it will be baggy. Besides, I need the extra fabric to cover my tummy and fit nice on my hips (love handles) instead of indenting them in and creating a roll. The top I ordered in a D, which is exactly my bra size. It actually has an underwire and says D rather than medium or large and you can adjust both the neck and the band, so hopefully it will both cover the girls and hold them nicely in place.

Here are some pics....if anyone even reads this blog and wants to see. Regardless of how it fits, when it comes in, I will post pics with and without the wrap. Hopefully by then, I'll have some visitors who will let me know if I should wear it, or if there's no way in the world my body should see the light of day in a bikini.


This is the top. You can see the pads in this one, but they are only available in sizes A - C, so hopefully mine (D) will be smother. I'm just glad it's an underwire. I've never actually had a bathing suit made for a D.

This is the bottom. It says that rouching can be pulled down to create a skirt effect. I'm hoping that means it can also be pulled up to hide some/most of my tummy, which is why I chose this bottom to begin with. I don't have a long torso anyway, so most things sit higher on me than models, so hopefully it sits just at my navel. (Scroll down a post to see pics of tummy and why it needs to be hidden.)

Natural Tatas

So I'm on facebook and there's an ad for those sticky bras things -- you know, basically duct taping the girls into position. Anyway, why I clicked on it, I don't know, but they had a bunch of pics with one breast taped and the other not.

I was actually pretty blown away...not by the product, mind you, but that the models didn't have naturally perky breasts -- the way magazines and such advertise. Granted, I realize there is much photo-shopping, but you never know what was photoshopped and what wasn't,  all you see is the glossy, so called perfect finished product/image.

Point is, I am glad I'm not the only one whose girls aren't perky. And it was nice to see a variety of women/models  in their "natural" state and to see proof that I'm not deformed or saggy....just normal. :)

Here are some of the pics and the link.

If you are offended by nudity, don't scroll down!

And here is the link if you want to see more pics, or want to buy the product: http://www.brastick.com/index.php?country=US&a=001&b=stick

Color

If anyone visits this blog, they will notice a new design. One that actually has color.

I just spent the last several hours designing it in all monochromatic pink. When I was finally done, I realized that while it was pretty, it was incredibly boring.

I've been reading style books (again) trying to figure out how to dress like a girl without looking ridiculous, fake, or too over the top. My mom was not a girly-girl by any means. No makeup, no jewelry, just jeans and sweatshirts (or T-shirts). That's basically how I dress. Baggy. Just like my mom. I end up looking sloppy and fat, but most times, I don't know what else to wear, because fitted = rolls.

The other thing is I dress in basically the same colors. Even some friends have commented that all I wear is black or brown with the occasional pink. So I've branched out to include teal. I've bought 2 teal tops -- tops, mind you, not t-shirts, in the past month. They are really cute, are cut out in the back, and very overall feminine.

Anyway...back to the new blog design. So realizing that it was totally boring its beautiful shades of pink, I opted for colors and decided to pick the blue and green that show up in my weight loss ticker.

This is a really big step for me. I know that sounds dumb. But it really is. I am a perfectionist. And everything has to be just perfect because it represents me and it must represent exactly who I am. Again, I know that sounds dumb.

So this is the new me, or the new blog. Pink, blue, and green.

Hope you enjoy!

Lip Plumper Reward

So, with finally being under 150, my reward was one of those expensive lip plumpers that feel tingly and make your lips plump for 4 hours. I've been so excited about this ever since I read about them months ago.

Fortunately, I found out this really expensive makeup store in the mall, Sephora, allows you to test things before you pay out 50 bucks.

Well, my lips tingled...and turned pink...but didn't plump. Not a bit.

SIGH.

So I googled lip augmentation. $300 minimum and the results are temporary. Like up to 3 months, if you're lucky. GRRRRRR!

So now I'm just gonna try and find some really good lipstain with matching lip stain liner and see if I can fake it. My top lip all but disappears when I smile. I really, REALLY wanted sexy, full lips. Very disappointed.

:(