Reward Changes

My goal was to reach 133 by my 33rd birthday, which at 146 and 4 weeks away, is def not going to happen. I then readjusted that goal to be 139 by my birthday. That will only be possible if I lose 2 pounds for the next  4 weeks...highly unlikely as I only lost .2 this week.

Anyway, I reached my first reward goal of 149, but lip plumpers don't work, so that reward fell to the wayside. The next reward of eyelash perm was supposed to be at 144 (when my goal was 138), but then changed to 139, when my goal changed to 129. And then a loose body wave perm was supposed to be another goal reward, but that one changed too. I don't even remember at this point.

But point is, I had no idea it was going to be such a struggle to lose this weight. Thus, I thought I would be going the summer with curled eyelashes and permed hair. And confidence.

So...I am doing both, hair and eye lashes, before my mini birthday vacation. Hubby and my's birthday are 2 days apart so we are celebrating them together, and I have surprise weekend getaway planned for him at a place he's wanted to visit for awhile now.

One other change though, I am not getting hair permed. I didn't really want it permed -- even just a loose body wave. I was going that for him, because he said that was his favorite hair style. But for memorial day, I'd braided my wet hair the night before so it would be wavy for the barbecue.

1) He didn't say anything after I'd taken all the braids out and styled it.

2) When I finally asked him if he just hadn't noticed or if he just wasn't saying anything. He said, um, let me see it (he had seen it, but now, inspected it -- that alone, told me he didn't like it

3) He said it was okay.

4) So.....i then showed him the pics I'd taken into the hairdresser as examples of what I wanted when I set up my appointment. He was equally unimpressed.

5) He then said he doesn't even remember telling me he preferred loose wavy hair, and that he didn't, unless compared to tight, permed ringlets -- which I never asked him about. ???? Men.

THANK GOODNESS I braided my hair. I actually thanked him profusely. I would have been so upset had I spent the money on a perm, holding my breath to see if I liked, and fearing I'd hate it and have to convince myself I looked good to him. The whole perm was going to be a surprise. I was just going to come home and assumed he would see me and think how brilliantly beautiful I was with my new 'do.

So....I'm actually going to do what I want to do, and that is a Keratin straightening treatment. My hair always looks like crap....except when it's been freshly blown-dry straight after a haircut by the stylist. I've never been able to repeat it (my thick hair takes over an hour to dry like that, and the closest I can come to it is with a straightener, which if I did every day, or even just on weekends would quickly fry my already dry ends.

But supposedly, a Keratin treatment gives you that look without any maintenance. It's more expensive -- 250 at my salon -- but it locks out humidity (which is horrible here on east coast) and it's the only style I've ever loved and felt, and I mean REALLY felt beautiful with it. And it lasts 3 - 6 months. So, instead of it being a surprise, I then showed him pictures to ensure he would like it, and he said, yea, straight is what he's used to on me (though mine does have an odd wave to it -- mostly due to the regular ponytail) and that I was silly to consider getting a perm when I didn't want one and should do what makes me feel confident.

So....again, grateful I braided my hair and saved myself what could have been a disaster. And at least, even if I don't reach goal all summer, I will have liked my hair and felt pretty in that regard this summer. And hopefully that will give me the confidence to keep working out despite the heat and slow weight loss.

PS -- the picture for this post is EXACTLY what my hair looks like when blow-dried straight. :) So, since the weight is taking forever to come off, this (and my eyelashes) is my reward for learning how to not binge (and not doing it for over 2 months, when used to EVERY weekend), for exercising consistently and at the maximum even when not losing, and for overall not giving up this time around.

Swim Suit Motivation

So the other day, I was getting ready to shoot a wedding, and instead of the regular black vest I usually wear over my white button down shirt, I decided on a more flowy vest with no buttons which I tied in a knot under my boobs. Turns out, it was absolutely adorable. And my first thought was -- wow, this would make an awesome bathing suit cover.

Now, I usually wear a tankini -- with a skirt like above, but with a full shirt-like top. But now that I'm not single, I'd like to eye-candy for my husband if and when we're at the beach or pool rather than be all covered up and every other girl be eye-candy.

So, the problem is, even if I were to reach my goal weight (133 by 33), I can't wear a bikini because of my stomach. I had my son when I was 19, he was on the bigger side and 2 weeks late. I have a saggy, wrinkly, stretched out lower abs (I can't wear low rise jeans, sexy panties, etc), and a deformed belly button (it basically looks like a vertical line surrounded by stretch marks). I've wanted plastic surgery since 19 but alas, I am a poor girl. I had hoped to get it by 30th birthday, but faced foreclosure instead. And now, my goal is in time for next summer, while I still look young enough to pull off a bikini and low-rise jeans.

But anyway, I digress....

So I have to wear a tankini bottom or a bikini bottom that sits at or above my belly button. I really like the idea of a flowy skirt above (which she is obviously wearing very low, but I have a short torso and they've always sat at the right spot on belly button) with a bikini top. And paired with my black vest, I think that regardless of whether I make it to my goal weight (133) or my consolation weight (139), I can see myself walking on the beach with confidence.

Here's hoping!

Rewards

And they're actually not food rewards!

I'm very encouraged that I'm actually starting this year's weight loss journey around my normal "low" weight of 150, instead of my normal "high" weight of 162 (highest is 175), so I've half a chance at actually reaching my goal this summer!

I've got short term goals, medium term goals, and the main goal -- to be 133 by my 33rd birthday (7/1).

33 @ 33.

I just keep telling myself that.

Short term goals -- lose weight each week, hopefully at least 2 pounds, will be content with 1.

Medium term goals -- every 6 pounds till goal with non-food rewards.

Home scale weight / Weight Watchers scale weight

141/147-- Lip Injection Plumper -- gives you a sexy pout for up to 4 hours. (This will live in purse and be reapplied every 4 hours, lol.)

135/141 -- Eyelash Perm -- Only $45 and lasts 3 months! (My eyelashes grow straight down and though I curl them, it doesn't last for the whole day.)

129-135 -- Hair -- My hair is very long and straight with a hippie type wave in it. It naturally falls flat against my head, parting down the middle. I HATE that. I look so stupid. I'm always "fixing" it, trying to make it part on the side (where it looks pretty/sexy).  I like STRAIGHT hair, perfectly straight, no wave, no frizz or flyaways. My hair ONLY does that after the salon blow dries it straight. I try to straighten out the waves, but too much maintenance and is frying the ends. Hubby likes soft loose waves. Sigh. After much deliberation, I am going to get a loose body perm. I'm going to have the stylist part my hair on the side and literally perm my hair up to the roots so it will "naturally" fall that way.

123/129 -- Wardrobe Shopping Spree. I dress like crap. Something about not liking how I look, I constantly throw on my hubby (or son's) clothes, look like a baggy, shapeless slop, and always feel weird when I actually try and dress up....though I've always LOVED the latest fashions. I stare at girls at the mall all dressed fashionably and think, as soon as I'm thin, as soon as I'm thin. That's been going on for 19 years.

[Please Note: 129 is my final goal IF realistic. I've never been lower than 138. I've only been 138 as an adult once for about 2 months about a year AFTER my son was born. I have another goal/reward chart that gives me the above rewards with a goal of 138 if that is all I can reach, but that's only if the weight loss is so slow in the 140's (1/2 pound a week) that it's obvious I'm never gonna get below the the 130's.

I wasn't at goal when I was 138, I know everyone told me I looked great, but I remember not liking my things, which run heavy on my mother's side. So am not sure if it's a realistic goal weight or if I should try to lose a bit more. It will depend on how difficult it is to get there whether I keep going.]