Wedding Pics

Ok, have been very busy, so sorry. Lots going on. Quite overwelming. And on top of all the financial stress and stuff, ended up gaining back 15 pounds which I've only just now lost. Joined Planet Fitness, still belong to Bally's, joined Weight Watchers, and am following Atkins.

Confused? LOL. I will explain in next post. Plus going to hsare some awesome, low-carb menu ideas for the holidays. For now, here are some wedding pics I don't look chubby in.

This one (above) is air-brushed.

On this one (above), I photo-shopped the bulge hanging over my dress.

Post Wedding Blues

Can't type much at the moment, but wanted to update.

The wedding was a week ago (9/3). We were so rushed to begin with due to the venue, and setup ran so late, that the actual wedding part was 12:40 to 3:30, and I ended up feeling like I never really had a chance to enjoy it and was quite depressed for most of this week.

Out 3 day honeymoon, spent with his parents, was mostly good, except the hotel gave us the wrong room (very deceptive), "couldn't" turn the fireplace on, didn't have the double wide jacuzzi, etc. etc. I don't even want to get into that. We had one night where we weren't totally exhausted and so kicked his parents out at 9 for some time alone, in which I tried to drink quick (can't drink in front of his folks) apparently drank too quick and then jumped in the sinlge jacuzzi and promptly got superdrunk and passed out. Also, very depressing. Ended up waking up and then cried my eyes out that I ruined our last remaining night.

I don't have the photos yet, thought the photographer did send me a few "preveiws". Out of 10, I liked one and 2 were ok. :(

I am so hoping that I like at least 10, hopefully 15. That's all I'm asking for. I just want to really, REALLy like a few. You know, am proud of, want to show off, feel pretty in.

We shall see. I will post my favorites here.

*sigh*

Gentleman Prefer Real Curves

The closest match to the ideal was an average-sized 25- to 44-year-old, with a waist of about 76 centimetres (30 inches) and hips of about 102 centimetres (40 inches).

PLAYBOY centrefolds, fashion models and professional escorts may have a reputation for being sexy but Sydney men prefer the body shape of average Australian women, scientists have found.

A University of NSW researcher, Robert Brooks, said he had been surprised to find that the "supposedly super-attractive" professionals had a less popular figure than the girl next door, but their slimness appeared to have counted against them.

"These women had smaller waists and hips than the most attractive combination in our study," he said.

The research was carried out to test the notion that a waist-to-hip ratio of about 0.7 has evolved to be appealing because it is a sign of good health and likely ability to have children.

Professor Brooks and his team asked 100 men to judge the attractiveness of 201 line drawings of female torsos. The most preferred waist-to-hip ratio was close to 0.7, but only if the rest of the body proportions were average, they found. The least attractive torso shapes were large shoulders with small waist and hips, and small shoulders with large waist and hips.

The vital statistics of the different professional groups and normal Australian women were then compared with these shape preferences.

Furthest from the men's ideal were the Playboy centrefolds, 1990s models and women advertising on two Australian escort websites. Models from the 1920s, who were more curvy, fared better. The thicker waists and hips of women over 44 put them outside the most preferred range.

Ironically, the decrease in hip size and weight of models during the past 40 years has been a trend away from the body type that appeals to men, the researchers noted in the study, published in the journal Behavioural Ecology.

Article Found At: http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/gentlemen-prefer-real-curves-20090612-c646.html

On Yahoo Answers

8 Months Ago:

Question: Do men prefer a curvy hourglass figure or a slim petite figure?

Best Answer: Hourglass ... without a doubt!

"Does my bum look big in this?" ... Hell yes! I like it!

Female Body Shape Men Like the Most

Ladies, here's a heartening news flash: Thin is NOT in. Men crave curves.

While American women see super-thin stick models and feel unattractive and unhappy about their average or curvy bodies, men don't feel the same way. Fully 80 percent of men ages 18 to 50 say they want a voluptuous woman, according to former plus size model Nancy Hayssen, who has written a book every woman could love based on the title alone: "101 Sexy Secrets: How to Be Hot, Sexy & Beautiful at ANY Size!" Another 15 percent of men prefer a woman of average size, while just 5 percent opt for a super skinny lady.

Twenty years ago, most fashion models were a size 8. Today, that's been replaced by an emaciated size 0. Meanwhile, during those same two decades, the average American woman, who stands 5' 4", ballooned from a size 10 to a size 14. Fun fact: A 14, which is now considered a "plus size," was approximately sex bomb Marilyn Monroe's dress size.

"We're being lied to everyday. The fashion industry and Hollywood have spread the myth that men want skinny, anorexic-looking women," asserts Hayssen. "The truth is it's plus size or curvy women who are considered beautiful."

That sentiment was echoed in a recent poll of 4,000 adults conducted by British weekly magazine Grazia to find out the ultimate attractive man and woman. Men overwhelmingly said they are most attracted to women who have curves, rather than skinny women, and prefer brunettes with "long, wavy hair." And 78 percent said a woman's most attractive feature is her smile.

Men are a practical lot. Three-quarters said the hobby they find most attractive in the opposite sex is cooking.

So what do women want in a man? A stunning 93 percent are looking for someone who makes them laugh, while 73 percent want someone who will "automatically" pay for a meal. Men who own their own home are five times more attractive than a man who does not. OK, so women are practical, too.

http://webcenters.netscape.compuserve.com/love/package.jsp?name=fte%2Fcurvywomen%2Fcurvywomen

Engaged!

Yes, I am finally and officially engaged.

After a ton of stress and overtime and a move and more stress and fatigue on his part and my having several "failing heart moments" (see another post which I will link to someday, well, will probably forget too, but it basically means having an extreme self-conscious, I am so ugly and worthless and deserving of rejection don't look at me attacks), we finally were able to have abit of  time together after I went with him to work on his on-call jobs.

On the way back, we stopped at a state park and he left his phone in the work truck and we attempted to have a picnic which didn't work out (the park almost didn't work out as it charged and we had no cash and after everything that had already gone wrong that weekend., I was in tears and feeling like this very strong force was apparently out to make sure we would never be together and that if we fought against it, it would just make our lives miserable and we would never get a chancee to even enjoy our love.

Anyway, we found cash, our picnic lunch got extremely cold and gross (I couldn't even eat it), and we decided to go for a walk in the woods.

That ended up being very nice. We found some fitness challenges along the path and laughed with each other as we tried to do them. One spot was very muddy so I rode on his back. Then, very deep in the woods, on a bridge (very Rivendell-ish), we stood and talked for awhile, and then he prayed (he always prays very awesome, I've never heard a man pray like him) for us, for my son, for becoming a family, for the sanctity of our marriage.

Then we stood there again, and he was very nervous, which was ridiculously sweet. And the light was coming through the trees and highlighting his hair and face and he looked so good, and then he got on one knee and asked.

:)

And miraculously, when we got back to the truck there was no missed work calls and we had the rest of the evening together.

The Scale

I didn't bring the scale.

Intentionally.

I decided to measure myself by jean size instead, since I have my skinny jeans (that haven't fit in 12 years) and my goal has been there and then whatever the scale said that was my goal weight. That was approx 135-138 pounds.

I have not been able to work out as much as before. :( My boyfriend's car is spurting gas so is still at the old house so I have to take him to work in the morning and pick him up. My commute to work has doubled each way, plus I have to get him, and he's not on the way, and I've had to stop by the old house and load up my car and I am tanning religiously as the wedding is only 4 weeks away and otherwise I would be albino-girl, and there just hasn't been enough hours in the day. My Jillian DVD's which intentionally didn't get packed so I would have them on my person and they couldn't get lost GOT LOST and it took 4 days before I found them. When I found them, I did them almost religiously until I finally got Internet, and then due to having major wedding emergencies (like a wedding ring that got shipped back to sender!!!!!) that it just fell by the wayside.

And now, despite my calmness and my relaxing abit and allowing my self to eat carbs "guilt-free" on the weekend since there is no scale to tell me how fat and ugly I am, I am starting to wonder if it was a bad idea to leave it behind. Because I am not as motivated/dedicated now that there isn't a device here to remind me that I am not light enough / thin enough to relax and enjoy life.

Sigh.

The other things is I want to know how much I weigh on my wedding day. What if I made it to goal and then didn't know? But what if I don't, and I get on the scale a day or two before and am depressed and mentally feel ugly.

Oh....I tried on my dress. It fits PERFECTLY....without undergarments. So as long as whatever bra/corset I find doesn't create bulges, I should be good. The last time I was on a scale (2 weeks ago) I had lost the 20 pounds I'd gained from quitting smoking. :) :) :)

I can wear some size 8 clothes, but mostly size size 10. My skinny jeans are a junior size 7.  Basically, I am a size 8 jean right now. I am an 8 in regular jeans, but since I wear juniors I wear a 10 (need room to allow for hips/butt). So since I almost ALWAYS wear juniors, I am a 10 mentally and emotionally. And my goal is a 7, which is a normal size 6.

In all honestly, my goal, albeit unrealistically, would be a 3. But I doubt my hips would get to that. But at a 3 I would feel thin enough that no other person would ever make me feel fat because a 3 is thin. No matter who is smaller or not, a 3 is always thin. If I only I could get myself to feel that way about a 7.

Of course, I've recently realized and try to remind myself that -- you have to choose between ta-tas and thin (fatless) thighs/hips. You can't have both (unless surgically or digitally altered). And DF likes my hips and thighs the way they are and LOVES my ta-tas.

Now, just need me to love and like my body and relax and not feel like every girl out there thinner than me live or on the screen -- is a threat and proves my worthlessness.

Should I go buy a scale?

I feel like I am a fool if I think/believe I am beautiful at this weight (151? 149?). Pictures will show otherwise and then I will realize I was ugly.....GRRRR.....why if I am not perfect or ultra thin does that automatically make me ugly? The lies my father taught me, the lies that form the core of all that I believe...I wish I could just rip them out, but I don't know how. I wish I could strangle him, but he is dead. I wish I could accept myself.